Polarity

I just read an essay in the New York Time that got me thinking. Can I hold two seemingly opposite feelings at the same time? Can I be grateful that my breast cancer is in remission and angry about all the side effects I now have due to my treatments? No doubt I can.

The essayist found she was BRAC positive and faced the decision of whether or not to have prophylactic mastectomy. Like the woman writing the essay, I had a mastectomy; one for treatment, the other prophylactic. Other than that our stories are divergent; my diagnosis came after screening mammogram (yes, they are important and should not be avoided!) I had a large lesion that required mastectomy. After diagnosis, I had genetic testing: all negative, even though my maternal grandmother and aunt died of breast cancer. I had already been through menopause and completed my childbearing. I deliberated about reconstruction and prophylactic mastectomy for the other breast. In the end I chose to have removal but not replacement. While I have consequences, I do not regret that decision. It turns out that the “normal” breast had areas of DCIS, which would most likely have eventually progressed to something more.

I am left with pain on both sides that meanders throughout the connective tissue overlying my ribcage. This restricts my movement more than I like, but does not prevent me from living and enjoying. I am more reliant on others to do tasks that require upper body strength than I would like.

I am grateful that medical science has progressed and that discovery of new medical treatments evolve; yet I am really unhappy with what they do to my body. I am challenged by knowing it is always my choice to continue or not.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/25/well/mind/breast-cancer-mastectomy-recovery.html?smid=url-share